Photo: Unsplash

What is mourning? It’s what follows some loss. It usually concerns feelings of loneliness and despair, often unprecedented for humans. It also involves many changes in human life. The mourner must learn to live their life without their loved one and organize it from the beginning. The stages of mourning are known: denial, anger, negotiation, sadness and acceptance.

On the other hand, many experts question it, and many people experience mourning differently. It can affect us mentally because of the unavoidable elements we may need to deal with. Clearing out their homes, sorting through insurance policies and looking at burials. But with the help of professionals, these things don’t have to be difficult. Other people are in deep mourning after a loss, while others may soon resume their lives. Some people may bounce back after a year, and others may find it more difficult and take longer and of all the things we have learnt so far in life, we know that that is okay.. For example, people who have experienced a sudden loss often go through a period of shock that slows the healing of their grief. 

There are differences even between genders. Men often mourn in a more “covered” way. Women often express their feelings by talking and crying, while men think and act. For example, a man who has lost their parents may work longer hours or even take a second job, while a woman may take time off work to rebuild. They may even need extra money to fund the funeral. Each person has a different mechanism. 

Are there any tips to help a mourner more effectively?

It is good not to blackmail emotions or reactions. Respect in the present phase and the discreet presence next to the mourning person can be the most helpful elements. Many times it is enough just to listen to the mourner, to have good contact with their emotion and to be aware that they cannot solve the “problem”. Many times people, in trying to help, can underestimate the feelings of the mourner.

Mourning often creates existential anxieties in the mourners. Most often, when it comes to the elderly. People who have lived a very miserable life or have had a high degree of dependence may find it very difficult to find meaning and get on with their lives. Of course, others can make significant changes in their lives. A woman, for example, who loses her partner, may finally decide to move to a small village away from the city, if she has always enjoyed living close to nature. Either way, it is important to ensure that someone who is dealing with grief is given the appropriate help. Whether that’s emotionally or physically and that they have access to healthcare professionals if their depression becomes out of control. For example, if it is the death of a child, parents’ grief may be quite overwhelming, therefore having a good support network will hugely assist. There is no timescale to grief, however checking up on people and making sure they are doing OK can be one of the best things to do to assist someone going through a difficult time.